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JP's world

My intimate thoughts. My heart's deepest desires. My darkest secrets. My closet poetry. My biggest fears. My secret life. Welcome to my world.

Sunday, December 11

Latebloomer

I just came from a dinner and coffee night-out with some of my high school friends whom I consider my closest friends. We met to discuss the wedding plans of a friend who’s getting married next year. The get-together was a despedida as well because our friend is going back to China on Monday.

But another friend stole the limelight when she announced that she was four weeks pregnant. What made things more complicated was the fact that the father of the baby is not her present boyfriend who came with her, but her ex-boyfriend whom she broke up with just recently.

I was burdened by her situation, even if I know she’s strong enough to handle all of it. Her lovelife has always been complicated. In high school, while the rest of us were worrying about our crushes, she had to deal with issues that were a bit mature for our age.

Suddenly I realized, I grew up with these friends but it seems that they have gone a long way on the road of love, while I was left behind, still waiting at the bus station. I was alarmed. No, not alarmed, maybe pressured. On second thought, I felt lucky because right now, I know that I don’t have the capacity to deal with marriage, much more, motherhood.

One is tying the knot and another one is pregnant. We also have another friend who recently got married and has two lovely daughters. Another two have long-time boyfriends who are going to the direction of wedded bliss.

If I am to compare the things I’ve been through with their experiences, I would be similar to a grade one student, barely learning how to read and write. While they are already thinking about marriage and parenting, I am still at the stage of worrying what clothes are appropriate for a date.

I have been left behind indeed. And I very well know that I’m running a little late. But this has been my choice, so I have to live with it. I opted to take this path and I believe it has not been that bad. I may have been missing on a lot of things, but I know that by not concentrating on these, I have experienced other things that have made me a better person.

I know God is still preparing me for these “bigger” things. I know that He will let me go through all of it at the right place and time. And I know by then, I have been molded into the person that He wants me to be, ready to face all this drama head-on.

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