Birthday Blues
I broke down on my mom’s birthday, nine days before mine. I could not remember the last time I cried that hard. There must be something wrong, for me to weep like that on an ordinary Tuesday morning.
On second thought, that day was anything but ordinary. It was my mom’s 59th birthday, so it was special. It was Holy Tuesday, but I was at work, pressured, tired and stressed out!
I screwed up that morning, despite giving my best efforts not to make any more mistakes. When things are bound to go wrong, it will go wrong. I felt Murphy’s Law coming into life that day. The whole universe was against me. Nothing was going right.
And so I snapped. But I was sane enough to hide from my officemates the tears that flowed freely from my eyes. I was sane enough to call my best friend and make sumbong in between sobs. I was sane enough to pray for the strength to handle whatever it was I was going through.
Up to now, I still could not trace the reason why I exploded that morning. I guess it’s just like that, you never really know why. No matter how hard I analyze the conditions, the situation, the environment, I couldn’t find the answer. All I got were bits of things that could have contributed to that blow.
Never disregard those little things, for it adds up until you have made a monster inside you. And when that monster comes out, you’re dead!
No, this could not be the end, for I will be celebrating my birthday a few hours from now. I would like to think this is just a phase or what they call quarter-life crisis. Or maybe it’s just because of the fact that my birthday is near. Turning a year older probably scares me, for another year would mean more pressure, more responsibilities, more struggles.
I guess I was never really ready for being a twenty-something. But sorry to me because I am a twenty-something and whether I like it or not, I have to face it.
I can almost see my birthday cake, all the candles crying with me while everybody’s singing the birthday song.
I broke down on my mom’s birthday, nine days before mine. I could not remember the last time I cried that hard. There must be something wrong, for me to weep like that on an ordinary Tuesday morning.
On second thought, that day was anything but ordinary. It was my mom’s 59th birthday, so it was special. It was Holy Tuesday, but I was at work, pressured, tired and stressed out!
I screwed up that morning, despite giving my best efforts not to make any more mistakes. When things are bound to go wrong, it will go wrong. I felt Murphy’s Law coming into life that day. The whole universe was against me. Nothing was going right.
And so I snapped. But I was sane enough to hide from my officemates the tears that flowed freely from my eyes. I was sane enough to call my best friend and make sumbong in between sobs. I was sane enough to pray for the strength to handle whatever it was I was going through.
Up to now, I still could not trace the reason why I exploded that morning. I guess it’s just like that, you never really know why. No matter how hard I analyze the conditions, the situation, the environment, I couldn’t find the answer. All I got were bits of things that could have contributed to that blow.
Never disregard those little things, for it adds up until you have made a monster inside you. And when that monster comes out, you’re dead!
No, this could not be the end, for I will be celebrating my birthday a few hours from now. I would like to think this is just a phase or what they call quarter-life crisis. Or maybe it’s just because of the fact that my birthday is near. Turning a year older probably scares me, for another year would mean more pressure, more responsibilities, more struggles.
I guess I was never really ready for being a twenty-something. But sorry to me because I am a twenty-something and whether I like it or not, I have to face it.
I can almost see my birthday cake, all the candles crying with me while everybody’s singing the birthday song.
It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to…
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