Hindi Na Ko Iiyak

Ibinaba ko ang telepono at napaupo ako sa sahig. Pumikit ako. Parang biglang tumigil ang pag-ikot ng mundo ko. Hindi ko na namalayan nang tumulo ang mga luha mula sa aking mga mata.

Malinaw pa sa aking alaala noong unang beses akong umiyak dahil sa iyo. Pareho tayong pitong taong gulang. Sinabihan mo ako ng lampa at hindi na isinali sa ating magkakalaro. Sabi mo paano ako sasama sa mga laro eh hindi ako marunong mag-bike, mag-jumping rope, mag-jackstone. Hanggang grade 3 lang ako sa chinese garter, hindi ko rin magawa-gawa ang teddy bear at tsumatsamba lang ako sa 10-20. Hindi ko naman kasalanan na hindi talaga ako pisikal na tao. May asthma na ako mula nang ipinanganak ako kaya hindi ako masyadong pinapalabas ng mga magulang ko para maglaro.

Pangalawang beses ay nang malapit na tayong magtapos sa elementarya. Kinausap mo ako isang araw at sinabing hindi ako magiging valedictorian ayon sa ating adviser. Alam mo kung gaano kahalaga sa akin ang bagay na iyon. Limang taong sunud-sunod akong first honor, hindi pwedeng hindi ako ang maging valedictorian. Iniwan kita at umiyak ako sa banyo ng mga babae. Seryosong-seryoso ka kasi nung sinasabi mo yun kaya akala ko totoo. Niloloko mo lang pala ako, dahil nalaman mong ako na nga ang valedictorian.

Umiyak din ako nung JS Prom natin nung high school nang sinabi mo sa akin ang totoo na may ibang girlfriend ang ultimate crush ko. Sabi mo ayaw mo akong saktan pero kailangan mong sabihin ang totoo para mamulat ako sa katotohanan. Sabi mo pa itigil ko na ang pag-iyak kasi nasisira ang make-up ko, sayang naman.

Nang sumunod, naiyak ako nang makita kitang umiiyak. Sabay tayong nagluksa sa pagkawala ng lolo mo. Sabay tayong hindi natulog nang kung ilang gabi para maglamay. Maghapon at magdamag ako sa burol, daig ko pa ang kamag-anak.

Matagal ding hindi mo ako pinaiyak. Hanggang ipinasya ng mga magulang mo na sa Amerika na kayo manirahan. Naaalala ko pa ang eksena sa airport. Kumawala ka mula sa pagkakayakap ko, hinawakan mo ang mukha ko, pinahid ng panyo ang mga luha at tumingin ka sa aking mga mata.

“Ipangako mo sa akin na ito na ang huling beses na iiyak ka dahil sa akin,ha?”

Umiling ako habang patuloy ang pagdaloy ng mga luha.

“Please, promise me,” ang sabi mo habang pinipigilan ang mga luha mo.

“Okay, okay, I promise.”

Nag-crash ang eroplanong sinasakyan nila. Kanina lang na-identify ang mga bangkay. Wala na siya.

Umiiyak na naman ako, hindi ako tumupad sa pangako.

For You
By Duncan Sheik

For you I want to sing a happier song
For you I'm gonna try to right all my wrongs
For you I'm gonna break my bad habits
There's a golden ring and I want you to have it
There's a golden ring and I want you

For you I'm gonna sit and patiently wait
It's great if you're early but if its fine if you're late
For you I feel love and I just want to show it
You're a beautiful girl and I want you to know it
You're a beautiful girl and I want you to know it
You're a beautiful girl and I want you to know it
It's an infinite world and I want you

Once again I am opened
Once again I am opened
Once again I am opened
Once again I am opened

For you I'm waiting on the ticket line
I gotta get back I don't wanna waste time
But the people are tired and the line is so long
So all I can do is sing this song

To Calvin (who is crazy about Angel Locsin)

I can count with my fingers the few special men in my life, and Calvin is one of them.

I never expected that eight years after we graduated from high school, we would become this close. I have to give credit to technology. YM and text messaging are the reasons we have this kind of friendship. It’s quite ironic how we are closer now that the distance is greater between us.

He is in Japan taking his Masters in Microbiology. Despite what he always say that he is not sure if this is what he wants to do with his life, I still believe that he is one of the most focused people I know. He plans everything, from his future down to his dates.

We are both Arians. In fact, our birthdays are just a day apart. Maybe that’s why we clash at times. I remember a fight we had in our senior year in high school that started from a petty disagreement and ended in a week-long deadmahan. He keeps on insisting about an incident that involved plastic cups in sophomore year which I honestly don’t remember. He was class president then and apparently, he imposed a rule that we should not use plastic cups when we buy drinks at the canteen. He said I bravely used a plastic cup and even had the guts to show it to his face. It must be true, knowing how palaban I was when I was younger.

We both enjoy traveling. We love entertainment, Philippine showbiz in particular. We discovered recently that we also share a secret dream, to become an artist. I told him that I wish I attended the Philippine High School for the Arts instead. Had I did, I would have been a dancer by now. He said he wanted to dance too and pursue theater arts.

He is currently at the crossroads, along with the rest of us twenty-somethings who doesn’t know what path to take. But I know that no matter what direction he may choose to follow, he will still make it.

Happy Birthday Calvin, may you find what you are looking for in this lifetime.